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Erlend the Viking here! :D Please give me some attention, and questions.

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  • #31
    Originally posted by nexion218 View Post

    I wouldn't do that, not even for you! I'm just a diamond in the rough and a real d!ckhead. But at least I never lie about it.

    Joking aside, I did not finish the degree. Things went south on a personal level with my PI to the point where I'd gag from the thought of a lab or pipette. I LOVED doing it. I'd sleep at the microscope, spend 40+ hours in there and when I wanted to go home to sleep I got something like: "Isn't it too early for that? 40+ hours? Who cares? Do you expect a medal for that?" and the likes. It took me about two years to make the decision and in the meantime things escalated to unprecedented lows. So one day I went in, packed my stuff, cancelled my scholarship and never looked back. That guy made me hate something I loved and dreamed of doing since my childhood. And actually it's not just him, during those years I got to peek into the disgusting world of peer-reviewed and impact factor driven science that made me realize that a researcher's life today is about forcing out papers to get the next grant, not about science. Actual science is but a byproduct, a sideshow of the hierarchic capitalism (as I named it) of today's science. Of course there are sincere, genuine scientists out there, but based on what I saw, those are the ones who are without grant money and a proper group, locked away in the far corner of the building in a small office.

    We did have a rather nice closing ceremony though, as the guy sued me for stating facts about him supported by hard evidence in an effort to call attention to the way PhD students are handled. He got humiliated in court, his claim withdrawn, case dismissed. Of course the story has many wrinkles and I am not without a fault either, but believe me: this situation was way beyond of what my character flaws would warrant. Many sided with me, but none of them had the balls to speak up when needed.

    Since then I turned my back completely on what I spent the better part of my life learning, threw out most of my books and keep replacing everything with music, friends and family. My former PI of course published everything I did without mentioning me in the papers. But I sincerely don't care. At times I am bit sour about it as I know that my Mother and my granny would've been super proud if I pulled it off. But Mom's a goner and granny understood that I'm better off not wrecking my mental and physical health while earning a few extra letters on my ID card.

    But most of the time I feel free. Got a job in different city with money enough to keep me afloat, I can work from 6 am to 2 pm, a supportive partner and a kickass cat, a way more mature attitude and way to learn and study music. So I'm cool with how things turned out, I just wish I had arrived to this point where I am now a bit sooner than 36.

    Sorry Erl for hijacking your thread!
    Be happy that it only took you to 36. And very seriously, congratulations. Keep it up!

    Sent from my SM-A115A using Tapatalk

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    • #32
      Erl the Viking, is moving next week-

      And for all that I know, I won't be back online for several weeks.

      But! Please continue to answer my questions, write me PM's, and don't forget about me.

      I'll be back here in a "minute" .

      With a full review of my life situation, new apartment- and everything you REALLY DONT WANT to know!

      Rock on!! \m/

      -E
      If somethings important- send a PM. I might be offline for long periods. Rock on!!!

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      • #33
        Methadone won't fix you, just delays the problem indefinitely.

        If you want to taper off, you can use Immodium (yes, the diarrhea pills), which are technically a piss-weak no-high opioid.

        Take enough so you're not too shaky, then take 1 less every day or two.

        caution: Don't eat cheese or any constipatable foods or you'll wish for death, though.

        And do quit drinking. Alcoholism easily substitutes for opiate addiction.
        "New stuff always sucks" -Me

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        • #34
          Originally posted by Adieu View Post
          Methadone won't fix you, just delays the problem indefinitely.

          If you want to taper off, you can use Immodium (yes, the diarrhea pills), which are technically a piss-weak no-high opioid.

          Take enough so you're not too shaky, then take 1 less every day or two.

          caution: Don't eat cheese or any constipatable foods or you'll wish for death, though.

          And do quit drinking. Alcoholism easily substitutes for opiate addiction.
          Hey man,

          Like things are today- I'd rather drink my methadone + a bottle of rum every day-

          than to sit here with things around me, being the way they are. It makes me feel completely miserable.

          Personally, things are OK; (with that I mean- inside me, there aren't any issues going on.)

          I hope to be starting a new and better life next spring, starting with moving away from "this", and towards somewhere in Southern Norway.

          In the south, things are completely different. You can catch a train, and be in like, 5 different cities, within two hours. About 1000x the people, and also opportunities for making musical connections, experiencing things- personal development.

          I've been sitting in the middle of nowhere; far north of the polar circle; and waited for "life to be cool" for ten years now. Only thing that has kept me here, has been my family.

          There is very little for ANYONE here, except people with houses, familys, and work. They seem to thrive. But, I've wasted my 20's utterly and completely.

          The health-care system ; that "should" have been there to help me- has been so poor, that I don't think it has helped me at all. At "best", it managed to fool me into thinking, that I was "getting help"- instead of taking more control of my own situation.

          ...

          I wish for a nice, quiet place to live- where I'm safe from any crazy people (including landlords, government staff, etc.) ... With the option to rest, if I want so (I'm on 100% welfare because of serious disabilities, ). And maybe take the train into a city, if I want to meet people, hear a concert, "go out".

          Also, I've given up on women. I can't stand "people" anymore... I'd like to live with a cat, though... if my life situation gets good enough. And my home is a stable place, suitable for a feline.

          5 minutes, and I (we) are starting moving my stuff, to the other apartment, where I'll stay over the winter.

          All this stuff is making me feel *miserable* (stressed out, restless, sad, angry...).. but I try to stay calm. Forget about all the ****. (Who cares about **** anyway.).

          I'll be back, and reporting- when I get my PC aswell as internet up and running.

          See ya!

          -Erl
          If somethings important- send a PM. I might be offline for long periods. Rock on!!!

          Comment


          • #35
            Hey if you're on Norwegian benefits, then you're probably better set than 95% of the world's working population.

            In that case, definitely move somewhere where you have other distractions than drink and substances.... or at least switch to mildly less toxic obsessions, like fitness or video games.

            Cats are definetely good a bit of warmth and positivity. Although already-reclusive people who get cats can sometimes end up in a "screw humans, I prefer the company of cats" mindset that isn't particularly healthy either
            "New stuff always sucks" -Me

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            • #36
              Originally posted by Adieu View Post
              "screw humans, I prefer the company of cats"
              My thoughts and feelings exactly! If I could hit a button that would turn me into a cat and the best hunting buddy of our cat, I'd already be a cat. My partner agreed to feed us and take care of the litter box, the only thing she insists on is that we sleep with her in the bed every night. (talk about having a true, unconditional partner!) I'd miss playing guitars though... :/

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              • #37
                Yeah, cats RULE! :o

                ... as I said.. just this last winter to go.. and I'll be moving, starting my "new life"- that I should have begun 10 years ago.

                Thanks for all the replies, guys!

                Rock on!

                -Erl
                If somethings important- send a PM. I might be offline for long periods. Rock on!!!

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                • #38
                  Here's our little beast.

                  Sent from my SM-A115A using Tapatalk

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Demanic View Post
                    Here's our little beast.

                    Sent from my SM-A115A using Tapatalk
                    Say "meow" from me

                    I love cats!

                    It it a "siamese"? :o
                    If somethings important- send a PM. I might be offline for long periods. Rock on!!!

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                    • #40
                      Yes, she is and I will.

                      Sent from my SM-A115A using Tapatalk

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