Re: CALL TO ADVENTURE - orchestral test, Music Theory II applied
That first cymbal is in a screwed up spot, and it makes the snare sound weirder because of it. Try it on a 1 instead of on a 4.
Needs another two bars of vamping before the melody starts, IMO.
The syncopated snare throughout isn't working IMO. Sounds like the drummer is trying to play something like surf music behind everything. The snare is also way too loud, which makes it seem even more jarring.
Near the end, when the one string part (I think it's supposed to be cello – hitting 1/4 notes) continues to play the 1 when the song goes to the 5 (hanging a 4 over the chord) doesn't sound good IMO. Sounds mushy and slightly dissonant. Try C or G instead of F.
The melody is not in C mixolydian. It's in F major. It just starts on the 5. F is clearly the melody's "home base" here.
The chord progression you listed is also wrong. Ignoring suspensions and such, your chord progression (starting where the melody starts) is F-F-F-C-F-F-F-F-Dm-C-F-F.
The chord for the last bar of the second melodic phrase is actually a Csus4, not an Fsus2 IMO. At that point, if I am hearing right, you drop the A note out for that chord (those strings move up to play C instead), and the C notes become very dominant, while the melody sits on a G. It has the effect of making the chord seem rooted on C, while the more subtle F notes become the odd men out (the 4 in the Csus4). Dominant C notes in the arrangement plus a melody on G, while the F notes in the arrangement seem rather subdued – this all adds up to the chord being a C, not an F. And melodically speaking, it just "feels" like the melody, when it is on the G, is sitting on a standard, harmonious part of a simple chord, not sitting on the suspended note in a suspended chord. In other words, the part of the arrangement there that seems "wrong" and creates "tension" is the F notes, not the G note...while if it was an Fsus2, the Fs and Cs would feel "normal," while the G seemed slightly dissonant. If you really want it to be Fsus2 (which you should not want IMO, as it doesn't fit the mood of the music, but it's your choice), then you need to tamp down the C notes and make the Fs more dominant.
