Man, I'm really glad I gave the Hot Rails another shot. This one sounds fantastic. And after a few listens, it's not all that dark. It just has less pick attack than my BW-equipped Epi. Must be the fact that it's actually further away from the saddles on the lower strings. Or the fact that it's got blades instead of poles. Anyway, I'm 100% satisfied with my metal Esquire for now.
I still would've liked the Custom Shop to make me a Lil Black winter, though, with the cool black nickel poles and gothic font.
Well, you can still do that sometime, I bet it would rock! But I am happy the properly-working Hot Rails is the ticket right now.