kinda bummed.

[BloodRose]

Im sorry for posting this and whining, but maybe some of you have gone thru the same thing and have some advice.. Im posting in the clips section cuz it stemmed from recording a song..

After many years of being a hack, I have a bunch of tapes of myself horrifically noodling. Most of them are comparing my guitars or to see if certain guitars seem to inspire me or whatnot..
Anyhow, I have somethings going on and are weighing on me a bit and I decided to try and write an actual song with a rhythym and lead part. I have only a portable tape recorder and a component stereo with a tape deck, so I recorded the rhythym on the portable and am playing it thru the main stereo and will record that along with the lead.
Anyhow.. My ever supportive spousal unit decides she wants to downgrade the bulky stereo to just the amp/remote and cd units as all she uses is cds. I said I need the cassette deck.. Why?? Im recording a song.. Why would you do that? well, I want to put my feelings on tape and its kinda what musicians do... "your hardly a musician" :banghead:
This coming about 2days after the discussion of why I cant keep an amp in the house.. It looks tacky.. Lots of guys have stacks and walls and rooms full of all kind of amps... Well, they can probably play.... :banghead:
We'll Id like to be a better player and its hard to get better playing only a couple of hours a week..
But, have you bros gone thru this kind of stuff? I want so bad to turn the frustration into fire and get good to spite her.. but I cant get any better with the lack of time I have to play.
Im frustrated.. To make it worse is I have half the lead written for that piece and I cant figure where to go with it so I can finish.. It isnt prolific or anything and really amature compared to most of you all, but its my first thought out piece..

Oh well, thanks for reading..

 

[Invader09]

Re: kinda bummed.

Man. You gotta tell her who the boss of the house is man. She should respect your art (music) just like you respect whatever she does.

 

[krankguitarist]

Re: kinda bummed.

You're trying to better yourself as a musician, by putting a song down on tape, and your spouse doesn't see it as a valid reason to keep the stereo around.

Sounds to me like you want to get better, but she's acting as a deterrent. It also sounds as though you're letting her get her way here.

What would happen if you were to keep the stereo and tape deck, and attempt to communicate to her exactly how important this is to you? I'm not talking about spite here, I'm talking about being assertive. What would be the result?

 

[BloodRose]

Re: kinda bummed.

ya, know.. I was thinking after I wrote this.. Im asking the wrong question.. Im not going to ask why cant I have an amp in the house, Im gonna ask Where I should put it..

Yeah, I desperately want to be a decent player.. And its a complete uphill battle.. I dont have much coordination, no natural ability, hearing impaired.. But I love it..

Ill just keep plugging away..

 

[innerdreamrecords.co]

Re: kinda bummed.

My fiancee left me over my music, I feel your pain.

Ask her for a man cave where you can keep your stuff. She will need to have permission in advance to enter, oh say 30 days to enter the cave.

 

[Frantic_Rock]

Re: kinda bummed.

Dude i'm sorry to hear that. what a bummer.

She has to respect what your passions are.
Just like you respect what her's are.

With my girlfriend and myself - we live together, and even though she nags me about how much stuff and cases I have all over the place, I understand where she's coming from. I really do have a ton of guitars and a ton of cases and amps, cables, etc etc etc... And I have drawers and drawers filled with musical stuff, some of which no longer works, some of which is damaged, etc etc etc... But i do not nag her about any of the stuff she does like do pottery, or mostly being out of the house to pursue professional and hobby interests... So we kind of understand each other. She knows that this is what i want to do in life, and I am only doing other things because I cannot make a living playing music. So i'm sure it will work out. But if I get any pressure to get rid of any of my prized stuff, I will definitely fight back, and simply will not let it happen. Haven't ever had a reason to fight back. I usually just explain once why I need the certain piece of gear, and that does that. She is also into playing and learning music, so that helps to understand where I'm coming from. But yeah basically - i pay the rent, so sorry girlfriend, everything stays, is my position. And even if she would split the rent with me, i would work with her to organize everything to the best of my ability to take the least space, BUT i would not get rid of any piece of gear that is limiting my sonic palette. Doing that would be detrimental to me first acquiring the gear in the first place (it wasn't easy. had to do research, pay for it, ship it, maintain it etc...)

So best of luck, and make your stand. If she loves you, she will understand. We only have one life. Don't let anything hold you back. You are just trying to express yourself, nothing more.

 

[DrNewcenstein]

Re: kinda bummed.

Im sorry for posting this and whining, but maybe some of you have gone thru the same thing and have some advice.. Im posting in the clips section cuz it stemmed from recording a song..

After many years of being a hack, I have a bunch of tapes of myself horrifically noodling. Most of them are comparing my guitars or to see if certain guitars seem to inspire me or whatnot..
Anyhow, I have somethings going on and are weighing on me a bit and I decided to try and write an actual song with a rhythym and lead part. I have only a portable tape recorder and a component stereo with a tape deck, so I recorded the rhythym on the portable and am playing it thru the main stereo and will record that along with the lead.
Anyhow.. My ever supportive spousal unit decides she wants to downgrade the bulky stereo to just the amp/remote and cd units as all she uses is cds. I said I need the cassette deck.. Why?? Im recording a song.. Why would you do that? well, I want to put my feelings on tape and its kinda what musicians do... "your hardly a musician" :banghead:
This coming about 2days after the discussion of why I cant keep an amp in the house.. It looks tacky.. Lots of guys have stacks and walls and rooms full of all kind of amps... Well, they can probably play.... :banghead:
We'll Id like to be a better player and its hard to get better playing only a couple of hours a week..
But, have you bros gone thru this kind of stuff? I want so bad to turn the frustration into fire and get good to spite her.. but I cant get any better with the lack of time I have to play.
Im frustrated.. To make it worse is I have half the lead written for that piece and I cant figure where to go with it so I can finish.. It isnt prolific or anything and really amature compared to most of you all, but its my first thought out piece..

Oh well, thanks for reading..

First, read your own sig. Truer words were never spoken.

Continue with music if you enjoy it. Enjoy it the way you want to enjoy it. If that means an amp in the living room and guitars on the wall, so be it. She will have to adapt.

I wouldn't "ask her for a man cave", I'd claim a spot that was all mine.

I'd also remind her that Elvis sucked before he got good at it, as did pretty much anyone she can name (except those who still suck yet mysteriously have made a career of it).
If she brings up the fact you're hearing impaired, remind her that Beethoven was stone cold deaf when he wrote a lot of his most famous pieces.

There's no harm in doing something if you enjoy it, whether it's hiking, painting, or being a musician, and unless you gave her special permission, I don't see how it's her place to make those decisions for you or to bust your balls about it.


I went through a lot of that type of thing when I was growing up learning to play. My Mom seemed to think that I should already know how to play before having a guitar. It took years to shut her up about it, and I bore the insults and derision. I turned it into "I'll show you", and a few years later I felt I was good enough to lay down my own stuff. I did, and it came out great, and she heard the playback and asked who it was. WHen I started playing along to it, she knew it was me.
After that, she shut up about it.

Turn it into inspiration. 2 hours a day is enough if you maximize your time. Don't waste time, get in there and learn. Open a book and read it, play along with it, learn it. It's the only way to get it done.

 

[Pink Unicorn Horsey]

Re: kinda bummed.

I think if you lay down the law with your woman, so to speak, you're not going to accomplish very much. Relationships don't work with one person telling the other what to do. Incidentally, that's just what she's doing to you—telling you what to do. There needs to be a compromise.

I don't know the specifics of your house layout, how much gear you have, etc., so it's difficult for me to offer logistical suggestions. However, if it's your house together, you each need to have a way of living there and being happy, and that's not limited to just eating, sleeping, watching TV and taking a dump.

Does your wife truly know, in no uncertain terms, how important music is to you? I'd start there. If she doesn't want your amp in such and such a place, you have the right idea by putting the ball in her court and asking her what she has in mind as an alternative. If she says something like "in the attic" or "in the trash," you two need to have a deeper discussion. It's not fair for her to point out problems without offering viable solutions. Again, this is your house together.

- Keith

 

[Metalman_666]

Re: kinda bummed.

I'm sorry to hear that one of your passions has become a problem between you and your wife. Aside from the fact that cassette decks are still useful (I don't know many houses that don't have a collection of old tapes), it bothers me to see that she doesn't seem to respect your desire to bring your ideas to fruition.

I think you should catch her at a moment where you know she's in a good mood or just calm and explain to her how much your music means to you. Surely the cassette deck doesn't take up that much space. If you're married I assume that a strong element in your relationship is mutual love and respect for one another, including your passions, so if she can't understand you pouring your heart out to her I'm not sure what to suggest. I'm guessing there are things she loves to do that you support her in doing, so it only makes sense for her to reciprocate.

I'm not sure how you read a 21 year-old's understanding of relationships but just in case, I mean no disrespect to you or your wife. I just think it's ridiculous that she would take such a stance with you.

It wasn't more than a few years ago that I was at home hacking away on my guitar at loud volumes. But I was fortunate in that I come from a musical family including piano, voice and guitar, so noise was always accepted even though nothing ever went down on tape. I really hope you get this figured out and it comes to a peaceful resolution for both of you.

Best of luck!

 

[BloodRose]

Re: kinda bummed.

thnks for the input and well wishes.. Metalman, it isnt really about the cassette deck as much as all the depreciating stuff she said that stemmed from that conversation.

Incidently, when mamma gets home from work tonight, she'll be suprised to find my 2x12 and marshall in the main family room....:friday:

 

[ratherdashing]

Re: kinda bummed.

I think if you lay down the law with your woman, so to speak, you're not going to accomplish very much. Relationships don't work with one person telling the other what to do. Incidentally, that's just what she's doing to you—telling you what to do. There needs to be a compromise.

I don't know the specifics of your house layout, how much gear you have, etc., so it's difficult for me to offer logistical suggestions. However, if it's your house together, you each need to have a way of living there and being happy, and that's not limited to just eating, sleeping, watching TV and taking a dump.

Does your wife truly know, in no uncertain terms, how important music is to you? I'd start there. If she doesn't want your amp in such and such a place, you have the right idea by putting the ball in her court and asking her what she has in mind as an alternative. If she says something like "in the attic" or "in the trash," you two need to have a deeper discussion. It's not fair for her to point out problems without offering viable solutions. Again, this is your house together.

- Keith

This is pretty much the only post in this thread you need to read.

 

[post toastie]

Re: kinda bummed.

get a multitrack digital recorder. headphones are your friend. and you definitely need a space YOUR world. i've had many a girlfriend who wanted nothing to do with my music.

they had to go.

 

[GoDrex]

Re: kinda bummed.

If my wife said that to me I'd probably not talk to her again. My wife doesn't really give a crap about anything I record, but she'd never say something about it just to hurt me. That ain't right.

 

[BloodRose]

Re: kinda bummed.

I think if you lay down the law with your woman, so to speak, you're not going to accomplish very much. Relationships don't work with one person telling the other what to do. Incidentally, that's just what she's doing to you—telling you what to do. There needs to be a compromise.

I don't know the specifics of your house layout, how much gear you have, etc., so it's difficult for me to offer logistical suggestions. However, if it's your house together, you each need to have a way of living there and being happy, and that's not limited to just eating, sleeping, watching TV and taking a dump.

Does your wife truly know, in no uncertain terms, how important music is to you? I'd start there. If she doesn't want your amp in such and such a place, you have the right idea by putting the ball in her court and asking her what she has in mind as an alternative. If she says something like "in the attic" or "in the trash," you two need to have a deeper discussion. It's not fair for her to point out problems without offering viable solutions. Again, this is your house together.

- Keith

Yeah, she knows how important it is to me.. But since she hates it, thats as far as it goes with her... I play maybe about 2 hours a week, and thats at night when the family is asleep. (headphone amp) and everyonce in awhile I play during the day when the kids are at school and she is at work before I have to go to work.. But.. According to her, thats ALL I do is monkey around with the guitars.. And all I care about... Again, I play After the kids are in bed, the dishes are done, the laundry is done or in todays case, between loads.
and moment of truth bros.. the gear I have, I have to keep in storage and tell her its borrowed. Gear is not something we can afford (cuz it means nothing to her) and if anything I tell her I own, gets pawned.. When we got married and had our first baby, I had to pawn my gear to pay bills, I didnt have a guitar for 17 yrs.. Then a buddy gave me a squier strat.. Ive horded money aside from my table waiting job or gone without eating (Ive had 2 or 3 jobs since 1989) to buy my gear or used money from the sale of others. Am I proud of this? No, not really... but its that, or nothing..
I could go on.. but bottom line. She knows its very important. ( I sang in a band before her) But it means nothing to her, so it should mean nothing to me.

 

[everdrone]

Re: kinda bummed.

lol

newly minted attorneys dont have alot of $$, but they do have a chip on their shoulder
edit: I vote mancave!

 

[innerdreamrecords.co]

Re: kinda bummed.

You know, when my fiancee got a bug up her butt about my music it was because she had a vision of what she wanted in a relationship and it didn't include what I wanted. Sounds like you have a similar situation going on. I won't give anymore advice...

I hope you work it out.

 

[Invader09]

Re: kinda bummed.

Tell me the look on her face when she sees the half stack in the living room : )

Seriously she seems kinda gruff (no offense)

She'll never care, and there's no way or reason to try to make her. But like one of the posters above me said. She shouldn't be so disrespectful towards your love of music. Has she always been like that ?

 

[Pink Unicorn Horsey]

Re: kinda bummed.

Bottom line. She knows its very important. ( I sang in a band before her) But it means nothing to her, so it should mean nothing to me.

This says to me that you've got a bigger problem on your hands than just finding a way to play music in the house on a regular basis. There's a fundamental disconnect between the two of you that needs to be resolved. Couples counseling is the way to go here. If that sounds extreme, it's not. She doesn't respect something that's a core need in you, and that will only foster resentment, and other things will falter as a result.

- Keith

 

[tone4days]

Re: kinda bummed.

yeah - keith has it goin on here

she is being hurtful and disrespectful

she needs to account for that and apologize and atone

you deserve to stand up for yourself and assert equality

and feel free to tell her that , yes, her ass does in fact looks fat in that next time she asks

good luck
t4d

 

[misterwhizzy]

Re: kinda bummed.

I'm certainly no expert in relationships. Let me get that out of the way first. But everyone needs their hobbies, and a relationship that only involves what one party or the other wants is not healthy. Why is a second person necessary at that point?

The other angle I would take is that your hobby is creative and enriching on a personal level. If you're a 40 year old guy who spends all his time binge drinking, that's one thing. Doing something you enjoy that makes you a happier person is good for the relationship. I know when I walk away from a practice where I'm happy with my playing, I have a smile on my face. It makes me a happier person, and my wife understands it's a big deal to me.

She doesn't need to understand your passion. She just needs to understand that it IS a passion. As long as it's not hurting anyone, she should just let go of needing to know why it's important to you. And it doesn't matter if you're a hack. I am too. That's why I come on here and talk about gear.