Mellow acoustic song, looking for criticism.

[wasteofo2]

Hey, I'm in the early stages of writing this mellow acoustic song I like to call Spring Breeze. Anyway, it's not done, the clip bassically has every idea I've thought of in it, so some things will probabally go, some things will probabally be repeated etc. in the final product. I'm bassically just looking for criticism on everything; the composition, the playing, the tone etc. The playing is a bit sloppy, and I plan on fixing that later. You can also hear my mom opening my door and talking to me for a bit, so that'll go too.

Also, if you have any suggestions on how to make it sound a bit more genuine/real, that would be greatly appreciated. I have some slight reverb and delay on it already, but it still doesn't sound all too great.

Spring Breeze

Most likely candidate for deletion so far would probabally be the little intervals from 11-14 seconds into the song, it's pretty akward and doesn't really fit into the song that well. I had originally thought it would be cool because it wasn't like the rest of the song and flowed into the Dmaj 7 chord well, but I don't think it sounds all that good now. Second most likely candidate would be the ending section, just too happy.

Thanks for any criticism/pointers,
Jacob

 

[y2stevo]

Re: Mellow acoustic song, looking for criticism.

I think the word you want is for your clip to be "critiqued" (dunno if that how you spell it)

but you've got a good few ideas..I like the tune to it its really something i'd listen to if i was stoned to mellow out..Your right about the intervals at 11-14 they don't realy suit..although if you mess arouing with a different progression in it it could very well add to it..

The playing was a little sloppy and technique could be a tad better but it wasn't really that bad at all... The tone definitly could have been better...Sounds like an acoustic your playing there and thats why it didnt sound to great.. Acoustics are very hard to mic for to sound good, You best bet is proboly a condenser mic but right now i don't no loads about recording....


All in all tho the ideas and song itself was good so thats all ya need!!!!!!!!!!!!


good luck !

y2stevo

 

[flank]

Re: Mellow acoustic song, looking for criticism.

its not really too bad, but its not really special either......guess it just isnt my thing....too choppy for my liking, im more of a groove guy myself

 

[wasteofo2]

Re: Mellow acoustic song, looking for criticism.

After listening to it some more, I've pretty much got a definate direction, I'll probabally post an updated version tommorow.

 

[xerxes]

Re: Mellow acoustic song, looking for criticism.

cool. i actually think that that sounds pretty winzy. however, that interval could sound pretty cool over the main riff....

 

[wasteofo2]

Re: Mellow acoustic song, looking for criticism.

cool. i actually think that that sounds pretty winzy. however, that interval could sound pretty cool over the main riff....

What's winzy mean?

I'll try overdubbing those intervals and see how they sound.