Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

[Hoss]

so i sent my wife a text that was the first line of this song...when i saw it...it kinda struck a chord and i grabbed my old Epiphone parlor (in desperate need of a string change) and hacked out this song..."More"

anyways, tell me if you think it's worth refining and getting serious with!?

forgive the rawness and lack of quality in the recording...this is the first track i've messed with on my macbook!?

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=139751

EDIT: OSCILLATING SHOULD BE FIXED!?

 

[Hoss]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

wow...didn't realize how rough my vocals were on that either...ah well you guys get the idea and feel of it anyways!

 

[cream123]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

i think that its got potential. i think you could add some sort of funk beat on drums and something on bass similar...speed it up a tidge and there you go. but that's not anything like you wrote originally.

so i guess its all about what you want. you could do something with it....not my thing but its get potential

 

[Hoss]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

it'll change quite a bit when i put the electric guitar and some overdrive to it with a full band...but the foundation of it seems sound anyways??

geez...the more i listen to it the more mistakes i hear...i'm actually shocked i even put this up here...i usually fret over ever little detail for weeks before i post something...i pretty much wrote it...and sang it through a couple times...recorded it straight and then put it on soundclick...my wife can't believe i already posted it either, she knows how i am...hahaha!

 

[ImmortalSix]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

Dude, am I on drugs, or was that thing on an oscillating hard pan?

I felt like I was sitting in front of one of those fans that goes back and forth left to right :laugh2:

Definitely would work for a Christian song --- YOU GOTTA GREAT VOICE!

I know the genre, so I know what you're going for.

I say you need to pursue it --- add in some doo-doo-doo-DEEE-do-dow-du-dING! accent parts on top, to give the song a theme --- right now it's too generic --- generic chords on an acoustic.

Writecha an accent part to "stake the tent"!

I can help out if you need anything --- bass track or anything!

-Hunter

P.S. My advice is worth what you paid for it

 

[Hoss]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

Dude, am I on drugs, or was that thing on an oscillating hard pan?

I felt like I was sitting in front of one of those fans that goes back and forth left to right :laugh2:

Definitely would work for a Christian song --- YOU GOTTA GREAT VOICE!

I know the genre, so I know what you're going for.

I say you need to pursue it --- add in some doo-doo-doo-DEEE-do-dow-du-dING! accent parts on top, to give the song a theme --- right now it's too generic --- generic chords on an acoustic.

Writecha an accent part to "stake the tent"!

I can help out if you need anything --- bass track or anything!

-Hunter

P.S. My advice is worth what you paid for it

oh no...hhaha...i just noticed that...i must have had some kinda tremelo on on accident...i'm such a dufus!!! hhahaha

i didn't notice it with my built in macbook speakers...especially with the tv blasting!

 

[cream123]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

oh no...hhaha...i just noticed that...i must have had some kinda tremelo on on accident...i'm such a dufus!!! hhahaha

i didn't notice it with my built in macbook speakers...especially with the tv blasting!

oh you did it with your mac, theres your first problem!! lol!

j/k man. like i said, its not my deal but its got potential for sure. if it were me i would build up a lot but i don't think that its what you're going for.

 

[Hoss]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

yeah...i just did it with the built in mic in the mac...voice and guitar all on one track on one take!

oh i could definitely see it building up...musically and vocally i could do some different things to make it have quite a rise as the song goes along!

the final product would probably be quite a bit different from this as i really feel some heavier grooves and crunch could take it to another level!

 

[cream123]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

yeah...i just did it with the built in mic in the mac...voice and guitar all on one track on one take!

oh i could definitely see it building up...musically and vocally i could do some different things to make it have quite a rise as the song goes along!

the final product would probably be quite a bit different from this as i really feel some heavier grooves and crunch could take it to another level!

i was just messing around with the mac comment.


it will come out sounding fine. i, again, would take it in a more funk based direction myself. but w/e floats ur boat, its your song

 

[Hoss]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

problem is...i'm about as funky as...well...i'm not really funky at all...hahaaha!

my buddy richard usually helps me get my stuff worked out...hopefully he'll chime in on it tonight or tomorrow...i KNOW he can get it up to snuff!

 

[karpathion]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

i thought it was pretty good. i like the feel of it. finish it up and post it. that's my kind of slow jam.

 

[cream123]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

ruff....just how your mother likes it trebek!

 

[Richard]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

Needs a bridge but i realy like it. we can do something with that soon. I can already hear a solo and some lead parts.

 

[Hoss]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

it does need a bridge...

i can definitely hear it building...maybe just a simple acoustic intro, then acoustic and voice...then maybe add a bass note here and there on the second part of the 1st verse with mellow electric lead over the top and drums kicking in...

and then some bar chords on the electric ringing out in the 1st chorus and then keep that feel for the 1st part of the second verse gradually picking up the the pick attack and then intensify everything on the 2nd chorus especially the vocals and electric guitar...

then into a bridge and a solo and everything is really rocking at this point and i can try some harder vocal parts here on this 3rd chorus and then slowly bring everything back down to the acoustic and maybe some humming and fade out!?

:dunno:

 

[Surgeon]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

You got a nice melody going on Hoss... most folks would disagree but I like rough cuts like that... they're the ones that sound the most honest to me. When you play it 20 times to get the right take, I feel that people tend to lose the sincerity in the process and most of the times bury it in the mix...

good job man!

 

[Hoss]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

well...when i get home today from work...i'm at least gonna take off that weird tremelo thing!

i'll leave the rest of it alone until i get the whole song re-recorded with all the other instruments...

i appreciate all the comments and suggestions and especially encouragements!

mike

 

[Tor]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

Hoss, this is great stuff! I agree that the song needs more something to break away from the pattern you have laid down there, but other than that, this is really good. Your voice is great as well!

I got seasick of all the panning though.

 

[Hoss]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

OK...the tremelo thangy should be off now?!!?

 

[ImmortalSix]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

I am actually starting to agree with the poster that said that this recording is awesome --- the rawness and the unrehearsedness of it make it a true tap to what you were feeling


I could suggest things to add to it all day long, but would any of that add to the art of the piece?

 

[Hoss]

Re: Song i wrote tonight...ROUGH CUT

thanks man...i just wish i would have had my Tak when i recorded it instead of that old epi...it has the smallest frets on earth and my chords farted out quite a few times!!! hahaa!