I like this one better. Very nice. Still could be better with more interesting percussion and bass sequencing. Add some very effected percussion hit's with triplet delays and other effects as a little spice and ear candy here and there. You might want to change the patch on the main synth melody when the piano comes in or pull it back in the mix as it competes too much with the piano melody in those parts. Also a full break down would be nice like you started to do - pull the drums all together and build it back up to the pay off of the piano melody which is your hook.
